I Waited Too Long.

Assalamualaikum,

The holidays have begun. 15 days and I probably only have a week's worth of activities planned. I have no idea what to do with the rest of that time.

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I'm in way over my head.

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Go with the flow.

And see what happens.

That's what I did.

I went with it.

This is where it got me.

And I still don't know where I'm going.

I never lied.

All truth were told at the moment they were told.

I don't play games.

I think I'm going somewhere else.

Maybe it's His way of showing that things are supposed to be different.

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Gossip & rumours.

It's been a while since I've been part of any.

Kinda funny listening to made up stories about yourself.

Keep calm, Be amused, & Carry on.

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Because if you want, 

I'll take you in my arms and keep you sheltered, 

From all that I've done wrong.

And I'll know you'll say, that I'm the only one.

Cuti!

Scumbag Brain.

Assalamualaikum,

Case #1

One of the things I've promised to myself to start doing is to study properly. Right........

As of now, I'm still not studying as much or hard as I'm supposed to. Despite staying back at the library after lectures on most days, I lose all ability and intent to study anything at all the moment I step into my house. Everything else  seems to be more interesting and more worthwhile doing. This goes on to the point where I actively think and look for things to do other than studying.

Scumbag Brain

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Case #2

For the past 3 nights in a row, I have dreamt of dreams I would rather not dream about.

It had a lot of my past involved and they all had the same theme; They were all alternate realities where the story progression and ending of my last breakup went entirely differently than that I know of in real life.

About the breakup, I am over it. The dust has settled and I am more than contented at living the rest of my life with the way things are. These stupid dreams however, they leave me angry, confused, and annoyed every time I wake up from one of them.

I wake up confused, spending the first few seconds trying to gather myself and put together the scrambled bits and pieces between dream and reality and matching them together so that 'dream story' & 'in reality story' don't get mixed up. This left me in a bad mood and bad state of mind since the dreams had a 'happier' alternate story & ending. The fact that I actually felt 'happy' in those dreams and those first few confusing moments after waking up is downright disgusting.

These dreams need to stop. They're unhealthy and a damn torment.

Again, Scumbag Brain

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.No music.

Hard times, hole in my heart, who stole the sun and

left me alone again?

Give me a guiding light, A stretch of sky and a hand on 

my shoulder, singing.

New resolution - get life (physically, mentally and spiritually) in order.

They Care Without It.

Assalamualaikum.

I was browsing through imgur and I stumbled upon this;

and I thought; yeah, cats really don't give a crap about what's happening in your life, they just want you to love them.

So heres to the lovable furballs of my life. 

Adek;

Kecik;

& Meow.

Yes, I am undeniably a cat person. I love cats through & through. Not a crazy cat person (yet), but I'm somewhere along the way (probably).

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My current musical obsession,

You want apologies,

Girl, you might hold your breath,

until your breathing stops forever, forever.

 The only thing you'll get is this curse on your lips:

 I hope they taste of me forever.

Yes, this has been a pointless post made for your displeasure.

Inconsistency.

Assalamualaikum,

I haven't been able to get my lazy ass back to posting regularly (not that I've actually ever posted regularly for almost 3 years). Still a lot of things going on here in Egypt, political instability, demonstrations and protests all starting all over again. I have nothing against them for it, just that I think they should tone it down a bit, or at least make their minds up on what kind of vibe they want to give out.. On some days their demos look like a family day picnic, on other days, total war.

Seriously, where is this dude?

Plus my own personal demons. I wouldn't really call it personal since it involves other people and doesn't really carry any personal bearings to it, just that I choose to keep it to myself rather than have an all out public rant (a.k.a bitch-fit) at everyone involved.

Yes, I mad bro.

But apart from all that, I would say everything's been good. Recent exams went well despite lack of any consistent studying. Just last minute, desperate, eye-gouging sessions of pure pain and self-loathing.
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I miss Hannim. Meow is cute but he's no human baby.

Baby.

Cat.

Baby please.
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Maybe it's time? It's been a year already.

I'll ask mama and maybe let her decide.
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Again, I am at that time of the year where I find myself out of things to do. Searching, again, for something that I can really take up and enjoy doing on a daily basis. Maybe I should wake up at nights more frequently and ask Him then? I'll try that.
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"Even if you don't think you're a good person, that shouldn't stop you from trying to be one"
- Anonymous
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(Homai! Zooey Deschanel!)

This is me standing in the arch of the door,

Hating that look that's on your face 

that says there's another fool like me,

There's one born every minute, there's one born every minute.

Cuti-cuti Ejip :D

Coming Up For Air

Assalamualaikum,

I've been busy, I've been sick, I've been procrastinating.

I'm in my 4th year of medical school.

I'm not entirely happy but I'm smiling.

And that's good enough for me.

This makes me smile. 

Screen falling off the door, door hanging off the hinges,

My feet are still sore, my back is on the fringes,

We tore up the walls, we slept on couches,

We lifted this house, we lifted this house.

We got no money, but we got heart :)

Just Waiting.

Assalamualaikum,

This song makes me dance along in my head and damn, this brotha' can dance! The songs itself is awesome and has been elevated to ringtone status.

Going back to Terengganu on Thursday probably. Not that I've been doing anything much here anyway. I just go through each day as it comes. Decisions are made on the spot, so I'll sometimes suddenly find myself shopping (or window shopping) at Subang Parade at 2PM even though I just woke up half an hour earlier. That's just how I roll.

Most Subang people no longer live in Subang. And that sucks.

Ramadhan is in its home straight, so lets all just spend what's left of it productively in the spiritual aspect. It'll be another year before it comes around again and we never know if this is our last. Make it a memorable one. 

I'm a lonely boy,

I got a love that keeps me waiting.

I'm out.

Home Again.

Assalamualaikum,

I'm back in Malaysia.

Doha was awesome. 8 hour transit made more bearable by my uncle, who took me and my housemate out for dinner/sahur and gave us a tour of Doha. He showed us all the cool looking buildings and scenic areas around Doha's many areas. The coolest thought about it all is that most of the areas were still under construction so there'll be a lot more beautiful, unique looking buildings going up in those places. I'll have to make another visit in a year or two.

I touched down at 9PM and I may have witnessed a few #badluckmalaysian moments in our connecting flight to Malaysia, as well as in KLIA, courtesy of my housemate experiencing a few unlucky situations. The first was the person seated next to him in our connecting flight was this obese woman who took up all the arm space made life and sleeping on the flight difficult for him, as well as her poor choice of attire which forced him to look in the opposite direction, out the window for the whole flight. That and also his malfunctioning on-flight headphones that made static noises when in use, so there was no watching movies or anything on the tv screen for him.

Once we got off the plane (and after I was done laughing at his bad luck), we made our way to the immigration check where, as most Malaysian know, anyone with a Malaysian passport will have the sweetest time going through the easy and simple DIY passport-check machine. We finally get there and only one was working instead of the usual 3, so we had to queue up (unheard of ever in my experience). After I went in and had my passport checked, it was his turn. As he was putting his passport in and having his thumbprint checked, wouldn't you know it, the machine turned off. He was almost done and the machines there just switched off and it affected all the computers and machines along the whole counter area. So there he was, in the middle of the machine, looking confused and pissed, not able to get out of the check area. Super bad luck Malaysian. In the end he had to queue up at a manual counter line. And only after we collected our luggage did he stop getting any more of those moments (citation needed). And that was that.

And on the way back home I had 3 roti canais and I felt awesome afterwards. That's all.

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Back home in a sound mental, emotional and physical state, I plan to keep myself busy and happy these next few months and no man, woman or child can stop that from happening. So with that in mind, I may or may not be making any new posts in the next 2 months. And I may or may not be easily available.

I've got a lot of things to do this time around and I plan on doing them all.

Till next time.

And I choose to see the life I live,

It's one of triumph and of joy that gives,

Made of something to hold onto as I'm falling through myself,

To the part of me that held you on the darkest shelf inside me.

Wohooooo!!

Day 10.

Assalamualaikum, 

It's been 10 days since Ramadhan started, well it's the 10th day of fasting here in Egypt at least, since we started a day earlier than most of the world. I'll be fasting an extra day this year (31 days) since I'll be going back to Malaysia in a week and since they started a day later than here, they'll end it a day later as well.

Personally, for this year's first 9 days Ramadhan I've been very off, lethargic and unproductive. Compared to last year, I've hardly gotten anything going. This is of course from the 'ibadah and 'amal point of views. I'm too lazy to explain in detail. Lets just settle with I'm not happy with how I've been spending my time these past few days. Hopefully the rest of the month (starting today) won't be so dire and dull.
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I've started with work outs and guitar again.

I haven't continued reading Orhan Pamuk's My Name is Red yet.


That's all.
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I was reminded of the smell of a real hospital this week. The smell of sterilizing agents and medicine circulating in air conditioned rooms and hallways. The story was; I went to the ER to accompany a friend who's been having chronic stomach problems. Also the first visit in quite a while for non-academic purposes.
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I honestly need new things to do in my life. I've had to force myself to jump out of bed and search for, or think of things to do far too many times recently. Something interesting or something that can get me going for more than 20 minutes. I lose interest in too many things after 20 minutes of doing it; movies, books, games. Only music can keep my interest as long as the lyrics doesn't start touching any sensitive subjects.
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And while we're on the subject of music, the current artist I'm dipping my toes into are She & Him, who has Zooey Deschanel on lead vocals. They're good, but in an alternative, pop & folky kind of way.

And speaking of Zooey Deschanel, I've been having a marathon (a very slow moving and ending one) of her movies. I have a system of how I chose to watch the movies I do but I'll explain that in another post (hopefully).


In every movie she's been in, she's been cast as a Manic Pixie Dream Girl, aka indie girls with bangs and commitment issues that eventually allow their leading men to realize their real-life dreams. EVERY SINGLE MOVIE! Okay, maybe not so much a MPDG in 'Our Idiot Brother' but from 'Hitchhikers Guide' all the way till '500 Days of Summer'(which I think is a movie dedication to her MPDG) as well as her current New Girl series, she's this childlike, awkward, clumsy, goofy girl who just hasn't got a grip on real life but still manages to look adorable while at it. 


I'm really quite off with my words so I'll just let this article explain (Also, I'm feeling lazy).

Why don't you sit right down and stay a while?

We like the same things and I like your style,

It's not a secret, why do you keep it?

I'm just sitting on the shelf.

Bored again :/

Things Have Changed

Assalamualaikum,


Things HAVE changed. What I'm specifically talking about is how a lot of people have stopped writing. Apart from the usual 3 people who still do, most of the bloggers who posted at least twice a week aren't at it anymore. I know for a fact that a few have stopped all together, while a few others moved to tumblr (for the fact that it's easier and simpler. All you have to do is post pictures, I think.)


It's sad that back in my first and second years here, I'd at least have a few blogs to read to pass my time. Nowadays, even one post it hard to come by.

Y U NO WRITE ANYMORE!?!?

As for me, I'm only starting to write again. I've been told by my mum to write at least once a week. She actually wants me to write a journal and maybe make a story out of it. Make a life documentary of a Malaysian student living in Egypt, something "Ketika Cinta Bertasbih"-esque. And when I'm done studying in Egypt, I'll look back at it and realize how much I'll miss that life. I think it's because she's experienced living life as a student overseas, having studied and lived in the States for a good 5 years but never got to writing about it as it was happening.

I don't know if any of this will ever be worth of being compiled in a book. Heck, I don't even plan on it. All I do is write like a 14 year old who's not content with life and rants nonsensically and at random about anything and everything he can get his thoughts on.

Damn it, writing about thoughts again. Must stop!

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Okay then, last week. Had exams, ate a whole bunch of food.

Malaysian PB!

God damn, Munya, god damn.

Loser makan salad

FuddRuckers

Pizza Queen/King?

Watched Spiderman the reboot which was good in my honest opinion. They actually stuck to Spiderman's actual abilities in the comics where he fought with agility and used his webbings mostly instead of fist fights in the Toby Maguire trilogy. And also the quick, witty talking also stuck to the comics. And Emma Stone was hot. (Syrrul, bukan you, ok, bukan you)

The Amazing Emma Stone

And in other news, Egypt is in political dipshit. The Constitutional Court Judges a month ago announced the recent Parliamentary elections were unconstitutional and declared 1/3 of the results void, to which the Egyptians got pissed at and started protesting in Tahrir. That declaration was then overturned by President Morsy when he declared it was valid, to which the Court then overturned when they declared that President Morsy's declaration to be void, which pissed the Egyptians off, again, and they went to protesting in Tahrir, again. You get me?

This dude is back!

On a side note, my living room smells like something died there, a few weeks ago. I've searched high and low but can't find jack. It's annoying. That is all. 

A night in my mind,

I've got a plan,

I'm gonna find out just how boring I am,

And have a good time.

Solat, tido.

Home.

Assalamualaikum,

Home is where the heart is. But what if my heart feels no attachment to any particular place? What if I don't feel at home in Malaysia, I don't feel at home in Egypt.

I dread being anywhere at all at the moment. I dread having to think, having to be awake.

Everything is just a big mess right now.

Serenity is out of my grasp. I'm emotionally empty and spiritually void and I don't know how long this will go on. The thought of failure is embedded deep in my brain and I can't get it out. Too many thoughts, worrisome thoughts, in my head.

Home is where Allah decides for me to be. Where He will give me peace. Hopefully I'll find that place soon and get my life in order. Or truly get my life in order and He will lead me there. InsyaAllah.

Because they say home is where your heart is set in stone, 

Is where you go when you’re alone, 

Is where you go to rest your bones, 

It’s not just where you lay your head, 

It's not just where you make your bed.

Study la lanat.

The Missing Chunk of June.

Salam again.

Just took a look at my blog and realised a huge chunk of June is missing. Having my finals now so not really thinking about updating anything.

I feel let down by myself for not being able to remember much of the past 2 weeks apart from having sleepless nights and sleep deprived days. And those sleepless nights usually having lots of caffeine running through my veins.

But I'm having fun though, cooking and being cooked for, sports and jogging in the evenings, watching football games at night and having long exhausting sessions with medical books.

My messy study table as of right now.

Past year papers for tomorrow's subject, Histology.

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Bukak BB pictures baru sedar, holy cow! Pergi bbq for batch program hari tu.

Tauke ayam Ammar Afi

Tauke ayam Fikri @ Kubang

Hodogs @ Garam Kuttas

Untuk malam OSCAR (One Step Closer To Allah and Rasulullah). Fun night. Caught up with a bunch of people, loads of food and a marriage announcement. But the main point of the night were the talks given. Asking ourselves again, who Allah and Rasulullah are and where they lie in our hearts. 

Tell me that you're alright, 

Yeah everything is alright. 

Oh please tell me that you're alright, 

Yeah everything is alright.

Back to the books.

Dosa

Assalamualaikum

22 tahun hidup, dosa dibahu menggunung,

yang lepas biar lepas, kisah silam tak nak diulang,

sakit memang sakit, tapi esok hari baru,

hidup terus hidup, hanya Allah yang tau,

dan bila Dia panggil, aku hanya boleh seru.

Rabbighfirli,

Warhamni,

Wajburnii,

Warfa'nii,

Warzuqnii,

Wahdinii,

Wa'Aafini,

Wa'fuannii,

My Lord, forgive me for my sins, love me, have mercy on me, raise me among your servants, grant me sustenance, give me guidance, bless me with good health and forgive me.

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Getting healthy!

Futsal Intrabatch Champions!

Jogging with the neighbours.

Study time!

Now I Can't Stop.

Assalamualaikum.

And just like that, I can't help myself to another post. This is exactly what happens when I open the floodgates. All  I want to do is get my thoughts written down.

Had my first full workout this morning after 2 weeks. My break in Malaysia was spent stuffing myself full of food, now it's time to get all that out. As I'm writing, my hands are trembling from muscle fatigue and some bits and pieces just feel like dropping off my bones. But all in all, this is the best 375 pounds I've spent in ages on something I cannot eat.

Best investment I've made for the next 3 years

Now excuse me as I tremble my way across the hall to the toilet for my sunnah Friday morning shower.

The sun is coming up,

I've got a perfect view,

I've got the day planned out,

Even thought it through.

Wobbling, wobbling.....

Thishasbeendonesomanytimesalready

Assalamulaikum.

It's been a while since my last proper post. A lot has happened in the last 10 months. I prefer not writing much about it since much of it I'd rather forget.

For my recent few weeks, I went back to Malaysia for a good 2 weeks. I had to go back to get my mind off of things plus I had family to visit. Ate a lot in my time there. I never actually got hungry before the subsequent meal. A lot of upsides to my stay; food, company, my own room, food, family, cats, food, shopping for proper clothes, peaceful traffic, food.

Swensen's Iced Lemon Tea

Horlicks Mcflurry Crunch

Final Dinner

Fresh Kerapu Goreng Tepung

Cheese Tarts

And I met the sweetest little girl back home. First time meeting each other ever and she couldn't stop staring at me. Say hello to Hannim!

Hello, my name is Hannim

She stood still for once.

And also, my family's new cat. Very loud, very annoying, still loveable nonetheless.

Came right into the room and went straight into this position.

Merajuk tak ada orang bagi makan.

Plus I met an old online friend who I've been in touch with for the past 7 years without ever meeting. Had our first meeting over dinner on my first Monday back.

But on the downside, I missed quite a few things while I was back and I regularly got bored out of my mind at night with the jetlag and inability to sleep at normal hours. So I spent all those sleepless nights watching movies.

These two movies, I highly recommend.

So that was that. Best 2 weeks of my year so far. Haven't felt this great in a long time and I plan, hope, and pray for it to stay that way.

It's all you want, all you want, and you run,

but it won't change a thing

So it won't be long, won't be long, won't be long, long

Before you can make it sing

Having class in 2 hours. Back to life now.

Reset.

I've been told to start writing again by 6 separate people. I'm still thinking about it. A lot to say but no motivation to write. Maybe I'll give it a go in a few days time.

You got a fast car

I want a ticket to anywhere

Maybe we make a deal

Maybe together we can get somewhere

I officially start anew.

Dusting Off.

So many things to rant about, so little words left in my head. Deteriorating writing skills. I can hardly put two sentences together anymore. I have a short attention span and I'm am bored out of my head. I want and need to do things but they're either too tasking or near impossible. Yes, its the holy month of Ramadhan, and that is why people tend to get lazy. I'm not used to these weird fasting hours. They blow out sockets in my brain.

I have(had) a checklist of things I planned to do for the next two months in my head but I assume it got lost somewhere in the deepest parts of my mind. Either that or I'm just lazy or procrastinating. My life currently just revolves around editing a game that I might not even play. So yeah, fuck that.

My mind is tired. So many things I need to let out, yet I don't have a single reliable person I can let it all out to without compromising my current state of life. A stranger would be nice, but a stranger that can understand English fluently is hard to find here. So fuck that too. A psychiatrist would be too, but one within my budget should be seemingly impossible to find.

I wanna scream "I Love You" at the top of my lungs,

But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me,

You can only blame your problems on the world for so long,

Before it all becomes the same old song,

Off to dreamworld now. Have a pleasant Ramadhan.

Demam

Bed ridden, sick, and burning. Not a pleasant experience. I've never had a fever so far away from home. Fevers are always better when you're at a place you love. Will remind myself to keep my health in check.

Had a too long nap earlier, now I can't sleep. Will probably do sometime after 6.

I wonder if anyone still checks up on this blog. I wonder if anyone still blogs for that matter. The blogs here are pretty much wasting away. I can't remember the last time my dashboard had a more than 5 updated blogs in a day.

I dislike talking. Too much talking shows how stupid I am. I prefer people not knowing how much that really is. I watch and observe other people's behaviour. I don't judge until I'm allowed judgement. Then I judge, I get bored, and I sleep. And I leave. Simple really.

Talk less, tweet less, update less, read more, ignore more, live more.

Off to WoW.

In the shape of things to come,

Too much poison come undone,

Cause there's nothing else to do,

Every me and every you.

I don't make sense, washing machine.

Be good,

Be responsible,

Be happy.

A reminder from a past I don't recall, to a future I want over with.

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I don't have time for people. I mean that. Unless you're someone I need to see on a daily basis, someone essential to my life or someone I'd like to be in my life, the most you'll get from me is a hello wave and a goodbye wave. Maybe I'll stick a smile somewhere there in between, maybe a casual "Hello", maybe I'll go so far ask as how your day has been. But the moment I have my earphones back on, I pretend the world only revolves around me and my phone. Everything else........I just lost my train of thought, Goodnight all.

A Toast.

To my wonderful lie, cheers.

Formspring

The only reason I don't have it is because I constantly remind myself that I lie too much.