I Waited Too Long.

Assalamualaikum,

The holidays have begun. 15 days and I probably only have a week's worth of activities planned. I have no idea what to do with the rest of that time.

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I'm in way over my head.

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Go with the flow.

And see what happens.

That's what I did.

I went with it.

This is where it got me.

And I still don't know where I'm going.

I never lied.

All truth were told at the moment they were told.

I don't play games.

I think I'm going somewhere else.

Maybe it's His way of showing that things are supposed to be different.

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Gossip & rumours.

It's been a while since I've been part of any.

Kinda funny listening to made up stories about yourself.

Keep calm, Be amused, & Carry on.

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Because if you want, 

I'll take you in my arms and keep you sheltered, 

From all that I've done wrong.

And I'll know you'll say, that I'm the only one.

Cuti!

You Hide in Here Unknown.

It gets you through the day,

Puts you to sleep at night,

Your thoughts are your own,

Because you know nothing.

A death in the village,

or a murder next door,

Happiness is yours,

Because you know nothing.

A cheating partner,

and a broken home.

Bliss is your life,

Because you know nothing.

Apathy; your shield

and ignorance; your sword 

This world is paradise.

Because you know nothing.

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There is no hiding place on earth,
where loneliness hasn't been there first.
~ anonymous

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(you won't regret pressing play)

They press their lips against you,

And you love the lies they say.

And I tried so hard to reach you,

But you're falling anyway.

Stop skipping class.

They Care Without It.

Assalamualaikum.

I was browsing through imgur and I stumbled upon this;

and I thought; yeah, cats really don't give a crap about what's happening in your life, they just want you to love them.

So heres to the lovable furballs of my life. 

Adek;

Kecik;

& Meow.

Yes, I am undeniably a cat person. I love cats through & through. Not a crazy cat person (yet), but I'm somewhere along the way (probably).

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My current musical obsession,

You want apologies,

Girl, you might hold your breath,

until your breathing stops forever, forever.

 The only thing you'll get is this curse on your lips:

 I hope they taste of me forever.

Yes, this has been a pointless post made for your displeasure.

Flick it When You're Done.

When the glowing ember gets too close,

the body moves naturally,

to the rhythm,

of a memory,

of a thousand previous encounters.

And away it will go,

a million feet into the air,
a friend and a foe,

as thousands before it,

when it has nothing left to give.

Another box still on the table,

and another fool born every minute.

By Azhar ZA. 
12th Feb 2010.

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Assalamualaikum,


This was a poem(?) I wrote in my old blog. I think it's fairly obvious to most what it's about, but to me back when I wrote it, it was a double entendre (it still is, but it was too). My mum says I should write more often, polish my writing skills so that someday when I'm bored of being a doctor, I can stay at home and write a newspaper column, be a journalist or translate books, anything that has to do with language skills.

I'm still thinking about it.

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And when I see you,

I really see you upside down,

But my brain knows better.

It picks you up and turns you around,

Turns you around, turns you around.

I need to stop. I have to.

A Few Complaints.

Assalamualaikum.

I have nothing to write about. I'm just bored and unable to fall asleep. So I guess I'll have a go at ranting.

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Questions bother me because I'm afraid of my own answers. I have a complicated past. Questions only serve to remind me of it. So much that I've taught myself how to pretend I believe my own made-up truths. The only comfort I have is that the past stay where they are and I can move away from it.

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I have an achilles' heel  for classes at 8 AM. Not that I can't wake up on time, I just like spending 7 AM till 8 AM in bed, under my warm blanket, especially in this cold winter weather. I demand morning classes be moved back into the 9 AM slot.

Or on some days, this just happens.

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Whatever shit you people have to deal with, deal with it yourselves. I am sick and tired of it.

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I need a planner. Or a fixed but flexible daily schedule. I feel like I'm all over the everywhere. I need to get organized and disciplined. Yeah right.

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(Layan please)

Something's missing,

And I don't know how to fix it.

Something's missing,

And I don't know what it is.

At all.

Tido la lanat.

Inconsistency.

Assalamualaikum,

I haven't been able to get my lazy ass back to posting regularly (not that I've actually ever posted regularly for almost 3 years). Still a lot of things going on here in Egypt, political instability, demonstrations and protests all starting all over again. I have nothing against them for it, just that I think they should tone it down a bit, or at least make their minds up on what kind of vibe they want to give out.. On some days their demos look like a family day picnic, on other days, total war.

Seriously, where is this dude?

Plus my own personal demons. I wouldn't really call it personal since it involves other people and doesn't really carry any personal bearings to it, just that I choose to keep it to myself rather than have an all out public rant (a.k.a bitch-fit) at everyone involved.

Yes, I mad bro.

But apart from all that, I would say everything's been good. Recent exams went well despite lack of any consistent studying. Just last minute, desperate, eye-gouging sessions of pure pain and self-loathing.
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I miss Hannim. Meow is cute but he's no human baby.

Baby.

Cat.

Baby please.
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Maybe it's time? It's been a year already.

I'll ask mama and maybe let her decide.
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Again, I am at that time of the year where I find myself out of things to do. Searching, again, for something that I can really take up and enjoy doing on a daily basis. Maybe I should wake up at nights more frequently and ask Him then? I'll try that.
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"Even if you don't think you're a good person, that shouldn't stop you from trying to be one"
- Anonymous
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(Homai! Zooey Deschanel!)

This is me standing in the arch of the door,

Hating that look that's on your face 

that says there's another fool like me,

There's one born every minute, there's one born every minute.

Cuti-cuti Ejip :D

Coming Up For Air

Assalamualaikum,

I've been busy, I've been sick, I've been procrastinating.

I'm in my 4th year of medical school.

I'm not entirely happy but I'm smiling.

And that's good enough for me.

This makes me smile. 

Screen falling off the door, door hanging off the hinges,

My feet are still sore, my back is on the fringes,

We tore up the walls, we slept on couches,

We lifted this house, we lifted this house.

We got no money, but we got heart :)

Just Waiting.

Assalamualaikum,

This song makes me dance along in my head and damn, this brotha' can dance! The songs itself is awesome and has been elevated to ringtone status.

Going back to Terengganu on Thursday probably. Not that I've been doing anything much here anyway. I just go through each day as it comes. Decisions are made on the spot, so I'll sometimes suddenly find myself shopping (or window shopping) at Subang Parade at 2PM even though I just woke up half an hour earlier. That's just how I roll.

Most Subang people no longer live in Subang. And that sucks.

Ramadhan is in its home straight, so lets all just spend what's left of it productively in the spiritual aspect. It'll be another year before it comes around again and we never know if this is our last. Make it a memorable one. 

I'm a lonely boy,

I got a love that keeps me waiting.

I'm out.

You Make My Dreams Dance In The Dark, So Please Stay Here.

Assalamualaikum,

Just wanted to share the three songs that have been on repeat on every single music playing device I own for the past few days. Yes, I'm THAT bored. Give all three a listen.

Oh girl I don't know all the reasons why,
I found the answer looking in your eye,
I go out walking all day long,
Take away this lonely man soon he will be gone.

Press play :)

Day 10.

Assalamualaikum, 

It's been 10 days since Ramadhan started, well it's the 10th day of fasting here in Egypt at least, since we started a day earlier than most of the world. I'll be fasting an extra day this year (31 days) since I'll be going back to Malaysia in a week and since they started a day later than here, they'll end it a day later as well.

Personally, for this year's first 9 days Ramadhan I've been very off, lethargic and unproductive. Compared to last year, I've hardly gotten anything going. This is of course from the 'ibadah and 'amal point of views. I'm too lazy to explain in detail. Lets just settle with I'm not happy with how I've been spending my time these past few days. Hopefully the rest of the month (starting today) won't be so dire and dull.
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I've started with work outs and guitar again.

I haven't continued reading Orhan Pamuk's My Name is Red yet.


That's all.
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I was reminded of the smell of a real hospital this week. The smell of sterilizing agents and medicine circulating in air conditioned rooms and hallways. The story was; I went to the ER to accompany a friend who's been having chronic stomach problems. Also the first visit in quite a while for non-academic purposes.
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I honestly need new things to do in my life. I've had to force myself to jump out of bed and search for, or think of things to do far too many times recently. Something interesting or something that can get me going for more than 20 minutes. I lose interest in too many things after 20 minutes of doing it; movies, books, games. Only music can keep my interest as long as the lyrics doesn't start touching any sensitive subjects.
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And while we're on the subject of music, the current artist I'm dipping my toes into are She & Him, who has Zooey Deschanel on lead vocals. They're good, but in an alternative, pop & folky kind of way.

And speaking of Zooey Deschanel, I've been having a marathon (a very slow moving and ending one) of her movies. I have a system of how I chose to watch the movies I do but I'll explain that in another post (hopefully).


In every movie she's been in, she's been cast as a Manic Pixie Dream Girl, aka indie girls with bangs and commitment issues that eventually allow their leading men to realize their real-life dreams. EVERY SINGLE MOVIE! Okay, maybe not so much a MPDG in 'Our Idiot Brother' but from 'Hitchhikers Guide' all the way till '500 Days of Summer'(which I think is a movie dedication to her MPDG) as well as her current New Girl series, she's this childlike, awkward, clumsy, goofy girl who just hasn't got a grip on real life but still manages to look adorable while at it. 


I'm really quite off with my words so I'll just let this article explain (Also, I'm feeling lazy).

Why don't you sit right down and stay a while?

We like the same things and I like your style,

It's not a secret, why do you keep it?

I'm just sitting on the shelf.

Bored again :/